I'm taking American History this year. I think we need more holidays to keep teachers in line - we get to the pilgrims and Indians in time for Thanksgiving, the Civil War for Lincoln's birthday, then skip right ahead to the 1960's for MLK Day and the Civil Right's Movement... I've never studied the Vietnam War, the farthest we've gotten with World War 2 is the Holocaust... But right now, we're still with the pilgrims (Thanksgiving hasn't happened yet...) and colonial America.
We're reading various documents from the time period to assess for their value and limitations (don't ask), and one of them is called A Model of Christian Charity by John Winthrop, who would settle the Massacusetts Bay Colony.
You can stop reading here if you really really don't care about history...
Winthrop was a Protestant Minister from Weymouth, England. He and about 108 other Protestants were crossing the Atlantic in 1630 on the Andorra when he penned this sermon that he would present on the ship and when they landed in the colony. I think it's one of the most famous sermons in history - it's the only one I've ever read in a school setting. This sermon stood the test of time; we're still reading it nearly 400 years later (okay, maybe the pilgrims didn't blog about it). It expressed the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of those early colonists who were risking everything - their lives, money, families - to settle in this New World and practice their faith without an oppressive government overseeing them. There was still an oppressive government - they were just blocked by a 3 month trip via ocean.
Winthrop expresses a deep faith and a desire to create a colony that would be a city on a hill (I immediately thought of TobyMac... are you singing along too?). He wanted this to be a perfect community, a beacon to the world. I can imagine that these early settlers were full of hope, full of adventure, and excitement. In this strange New World, I wonder if they thought of it as a "do over" - a chance to try life again, and maybe do it right this time. Oh sure, there would still be sin in the world and whatnot. But how often do you get the chance to create a town? An environment that is still full of bushland, that has no laws, no settlement - it's just you, your neighbor, and the omnipotent God that created it all. I wonder if they envisioned a New Jerusalem when they sailed across those stormy seas. Their greatest desire was to shine God's light. How different would the world look if that was the most intimate wish of all of us?
If / when you read the sermon, you'll see that they truly wanted to follow all of the laws that God has given us. They quote scripture, saying that they won't harm the natives, or enemies, but they would feed them and care for them. They promise to care for each other and to be a great, peaceful community that the whole world would look to, and by doing so, the love of Jesus Christ would be spread to all.
40 years later, greed takes ahold of the colonists. It happens. When your town is only one to twohundred small, and you're the only one with a specific trade, you can jack up your prices as much as you want. The government was the voting church members (basically, your elders and deacons), and they would create a law that would allow them to punish merchants and tradesmen who took advantage of their neighbors. Their reasoning - you are here to love and to serve the Lord your God, not to make a profit. That struck a chord with me. The people had agreed on this new law that would require you - by law - to live humbly, not in excess.
I wonder if I have the faith that it would take to climb aboard a caravel and sail for 3 months. To build my own house in the wilderness. To leave the city and country I had lived in and head off to this strange new land that nobody really understood (without a cell phone). I wonder if I have the discipline enough to charge my goods for only as much as I need to get by. What great faith those pilgrims had.
It makes me wonder how our nation got from a City on a Hill to what it is today. Only 40 years into it (40 years is considered a generation, btw), and we were already screwing up - but we fixed it. Other community members came along, took care of us, pointed out our errors, and set us on another path. Somewhere along the lines though, we stopped doing that. The community fell apart. Instead of living 3 feet away from your neighbor, we started getting bigger houses, bigger crops, and soon we were living 3 miles from our nearest neighbor. We stopped caring as much - we all wanted to do our own thing. It takes a lot of effort to refine a person. Sanctification is a lifelong, grueling process. Sometimes, it's just easier to look away than to clean the wound and put on a band-aid.
Today in English, we did an activity where we had different values (faith / religion, family, close friends, good healthy, beauty, wealth, etc) and we ranked them from most important to least important. There were various signs around the room with the different values on them. When the teacher called out a number, we would go to the corresponding value that we had put down, and then open up in discussion about why we picked what.
I saw some real life in people that had never come out before. I saw the class clown come out and say that one of his best friends had died in her sleep during the summmer and another girl say that her father had died during her freshman year. I can't imagine the pain that they went through, and how I went alongside these students for three years without knowing. I heard kids open up about their ideas on God, some of them breaking my heart. It was a reminder that I am still in a mission field, whether I realize it or not. I may not come to school on a boat, but I still need to be a beacon to the world.
It kind of felt like I was back in my youth group. That made me wonder why I felt that way. I guess it's because these were people trying to be real with each other and let their guard down; to just take off the mask for a few minutes. There were several awkward moments for a lot of us, especially the first few people to speak. None of us were really sure how we would all be perceived. As I was walking to lunch after that class, I realized that the reason I feel so comfortable around the kids from youth is because we're open. You go to a totally new step in your relationship when you're honest and real and people get to see the whole person. It shows trust, love, and caring about one another. The very thing Winthrop settled his colony on. It makes... a community. The very thing God created the earth based on. It's interesting how everything keeps coming back to this idea... community.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
I don't want you to do this.
The past few weeks have proven to wreck emotional havoc on me. For some reason, I thought all the drama would end with the divorce. It didn't. It's still going on full swing. Dani 32169 is continuing into another season with raving reviews. I'm trying to distract myself. I'm trying to get out of the house as much as possible, and dive into my school work when I have to be here.
I don't want to move in with the father's girlfriend. Not even a little bit. I'm kicking and screaming the whole way there. As selfish as it sounds, I don't want to live in a house with 4 nonbelievers. I don't want to put up a fight 4 against 1. I don't want to constantly live in my mission field. I want to have a chance to go home... to refuel... to study instead of be tested. I know God probably wants to use me there, but I don't want to go... my heart breaks at the thought of this change - of a new house, another woman, a new "sister". I'm trying to stay positive... but I so badly don't want to do this again.
I can leave. I have the opportunity to. But the question that eats at me is "are you seriously going to give up the opportunity to reach an 8 year old girl who has never heard before, without even giving it a try?" So I guess I'm going there, at least for a little bit. I'll stay there for a couple of months and try to tough it out. I think of Paul and of his bravery, his determination, and his unyielding faith, and am given a shard of hope.
I got a chance to spend the day with the two people who have been with me through this entire crazy thing, who have never given up on me. One of them said something like "I'm proud of you, though. This is good that you can see that it's wrong and you understand why it's wrong. You don't want it to happen because it hurts you, and neither does God - and it hurts him a whole lot more. But he's saying 'I don't want you to do this because it's going to hurt you, but I'm not going to stop you, even though it hurts me.'"
So until I get a new plan for living arrangements, I'll be taking a deep breath and spending as much time away from the house as possible.
I don't want to move in with the father's girlfriend. Not even a little bit. I'm kicking and screaming the whole way there. As selfish as it sounds, I don't want to live in a house with 4 nonbelievers. I don't want to put up a fight 4 against 1. I don't want to constantly live in my mission field. I want to have a chance to go home... to refuel... to study instead of be tested. I know God probably wants to use me there, but I don't want to go... my heart breaks at the thought of this change - of a new house, another woman, a new "sister". I'm trying to stay positive... but I so badly don't want to do this again.
I can leave. I have the opportunity to. But the question that eats at me is "are you seriously going to give up the opportunity to reach an 8 year old girl who has never heard before, without even giving it a try?" So I guess I'm going there, at least for a little bit. I'll stay there for a couple of months and try to tough it out. I think of Paul and of his bravery, his determination, and his unyielding faith, and am given a shard of hope.
I got a chance to spend the day with the two people who have been with me through this entire crazy thing, who have never given up on me. One of them said something like "I'm proud of you, though. This is good that you can see that it's wrong and you understand why it's wrong. You don't want it to happen because it hurts you, and neither does God - and it hurts him a whole lot more. But he's saying 'I don't want you to do this because it's going to hurt you, but I'm not going to stop you, even though it hurts me.'"
So until I get a new plan for living arrangements, I'll be taking a deep breath and spending as much time away from the house as possible.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The lights are on... is anybody home?
I think there's something a lot of us do, whether is conscious or subconscious, and that's to try to figure out what others believe, as far as religion goes. I tend to do that at the beginning of the school year with new teachers. Within the first week or two, I tend to have a generally good idea with some, others my perception changes throughout the year, and some I guess I'll never know.
I just came home from my English teacher's house after an evening of babysitting. She, her husband, and I sat on the couch and talked about the public education taboo - religion. I've learned that her family is very religious, and that seems to be a comfort to me. There's something about school that makes me think that religion cannot be anywhere near it - probably the way I've been conditioned. Now that doesn't mean I don't try to incorperate it.
I went to a God First Always meeting today with a friend during lunch. It was the first time I had ever heard a group prayer on a school campus. To me, it was very strange. Sure, I've prayed during school (often... I got REAL close to God in chemistry...), but I think there's something in a lot of Christian students that makes us turn off our lights before we even step in the door. There's a fear in us that makes us unsure of how to approach people who we don't understand their beliefs, like a class full of students. Maybe that's why there's some sort of nature in us that makes us evaluate people before we really dive into religious discussions, or sometimes even comments. We have a constant fear of offending people, of being confronted and not knowing how to respond.
We're not too bad at being religious before 7am and after 3pm Monday through Friday. A lot of us read our bibles before bed a few days a week. We're pretty good about praying during the day. Our devotionals are half done. We have an unblemished church attendence record. We hang out with each other and support each other. But Charles Francis Potter did a good job of fulfilling his goal of making sure we are all forced to spend most of our waking hours in a humanistic environment.
I try to share God as much as I can during school, and home, or wherever I am, whether it's passively or directly. For me at least, it's almost easier to do this when I'm in my "youth group" setting in town. It's a total security blanket to have those kids and leaders around me, supporting me. They're trying to accomplish the same goals I am, and we're teaching each other every day how to run this race. So when I'm taken out of that setting, by either being placed at home or at school, it becomes ten times harder. It's kinda like actually taking the test. You've studied. You've gone to review sessions. The teacher's held your hand through the lecture and some of the assignments. But when the training wheels are taken off and it's all you, you finally start to realize just how hard the material is - especically if you haven't had mnuch practice. Except this time it's not the difference between an A and a B, it's life and death.
Maybe part of the problem is that because we all share this same awkwardness; we never truly figure out who our brothers and sisters are. Our lights may be on, but there's a big lamp shade covering them. I wonder how our campuses would look today if all the Christians knew about each other. I wonder how we would step up to create an army of God.
So my goal for tomorrow is to make a whole-hearted comment about God to somebody who I'm not so sure about their faith, or who I know isn't a believer.
I just came home from my English teacher's house after an evening of babysitting. She, her husband, and I sat on the couch and talked about the public education taboo - religion. I've learned that her family is very religious, and that seems to be a comfort to me. There's something about school that makes me think that religion cannot be anywhere near it - probably the way I've been conditioned. Now that doesn't mean I don't try to incorperate it.
I went to a God First Always meeting today with a friend during lunch. It was the first time I had ever heard a group prayer on a school campus. To me, it was very strange. Sure, I've prayed during school (often... I got REAL close to God in chemistry...), but I think there's something in a lot of Christian students that makes us turn off our lights before we even step in the door. There's a fear in us that makes us unsure of how to approach people who we don't understand their beliefs, like a class full of students. Maybe that's why there's some sort of nature in us that makes us evaluate people before we really dive into religious discussions, or sometimes even comments. We have a constant fear of offending people, of being confronted and not knowing how to respond.
We're not too bad at being religious before 7am and after 3pm Monday through Friday. A lot of us read our bibles before bed a few days a week. We're pretty good about praying during the day. Our devotionals are half done. We have an unblemished church attendence record. We hang out with each other and support each other. But Charles Francis Potter did a good job of fulfilling his goal of making sure we are all forced to spend most of our waking hours in a humanistic environment.
I try to share God as much as I can during school, and home, or wherever I am, whether it's passively or directly. For me at least, it's almost easier to do this when I'm in my "youth group" setting in town. It's a total security blanket to have those kids and leaders around me, supporting me. They're trying to accomplish the same goals I am, and we're teaching each other every day how to run this race. So when I'm taken out of that setting, by either being placed at home or at school, it becomes ten times harder. It's kinda like actually taking the test. You've studied. You've gone to review sessions. The teacher's held your hand through the lecture and some of the assignments. But when the training wheels are taken off and it's all you, you finally start to realize just how hard the material is - especically if you haven't had mnuch practice. Except this time it's not the difference between an A and a B, it's life and death.
Maybe part of the problem is that because we all share this same awkwardness; we never truly figure out who our brothers and sisters are. Our lights may be on, but there's a big lamp shade covering them. I wonder how our campuses would look today if all the Christians knew about each other. I wonder how we would step up to create an army of God.
So my goal for tomorrow is to make a whole-hearted comment about God to somebody who I'm not so sure about their faith, or who I know isn't a believer.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Shaken AND stirred
The past week has been mass chaos. I think my world has been flipped upside down, shaken, and stirred. I'm pretty sure I've gone through every emotion known to man in the past few days. Last night, I made it to bed before midnight - my brain wanted nothing more than to turn off for a few hours (nearly 11, haha).
But in light of all of this, the biggest burden of my life has been lifted from my shoulders. The Great Divorce is over. It's over. The object that has taken over my life and sent my life spiraling for my entire high school career is gone. The tumor has been removed from my life. World War Three has ended. This is like the Super Bowl of my life.
It's a new life I'm entering. If you know me, you know I don't like change - good or bad. I like order and predictability. I like ten year plans (God on the other hand, doesn't... we've had some talks about that). But this new life doens't involve court dates, or being played as a pawn (okay, I'll still probably be manipulated, but I'm hoping not as much), or meetings with lawyers that charge hundreds an hour, or not being able to do suchandsuch because the court says no. I'm free.
So here's to celebrating all that God has done, and how far he's brought me in just the past two years. God always DOES use our sins, our folly, our flaws to come out for the good. He uses it to train us, to strengthen us, to make us whole, complete, and mature. He's brought me through the fire to be refined.
Zechariah 13:9
But in light of all of this, the biggest burden of my life has been lifted from my shoulders. The Great Divorce is over. It's over. The object that has taken over my life and sent my life spiraling for my entire high school career is gone. The tumor has been removed from my life. World War Three has ended. This is like the Super Bowl of my life.
It's a new life I'm entering. If you know me, you know I don't like change - good or bad. I like order and predictability. I like ten year plans (God on the other hand, doesn't... we've had some talks about that). But this new life doens't involve court dates, or being played as a pawn (okay, I'll still probably be manipulated, but I'm hoping not as much), or meetings with lawyers that charge hundreds an hour, or not being able to do suchandsuch because the court says no. I'm free.
So here's to celebrating all that God has done, and how far he's brought me in just the past two years. God always DOES use our sins, our folly, our flaws to come out for the good. He uses it to train us, to strengthen us, to make us whole, complete, and mature. He's brought me through the fire to be refined.
Zechariah 13:9
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The motivation bug
So every now and then, I get into these little spells of ultra-motivation - that always end up biting me in the butt.
The latest? Deciding to sign up for another college-level class this year. For some odd reason (seriously people, I wonder if I'm taking drugs sometimes and don't know it) last spring I signed up for a computer class as my elective. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. But it dawned on me that I would be ready to shoot myself in the foot the whole time (I know how to type. I know how to use MS Office), and I'd be surrounded by 20 geeky boys picking their noses and talking about World of Warcraft (shout-out to Kevin and Mikey). Vanity aside, I told Seth and Haley about this choice today, and they bursted out laughing. Apparently, Seth took this class his freshman year - he had some quite interesting things to say about it.
My solution to the problem? Let's get rid of my easy class, and replace it with Advanced Placement Environmental Science. I asked my guidance counselor (who happens to be the best guidance counselor in the universe!) if I was going to die with this schedule. She laughed and goes "Oh well... you'll be... very busy..." I asked if that was guidance counselor speak for "yes" and she just laughed again. Hmm...
Today though I showed the freshmen around during their orientation time. I was at school longer than a normal school day - and missed St. Augustine Turn or Burn for it. Kinda wondering how I got bit by the motivation bug last spring when I signed up to do that too. Hmm... At least I got a flyswatter in Detroit, right?
Hebrews 6:10.
Well, working on it, at least.
The latest? Deciding to sign up for another college-level class this year. For some odd reason (seriously people, I wonder if I'm taking drugs sometimes and don't know it) last spring I signed up for a computer class as my elective. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. But it dawned on me that I would be ready to shoot myself in the foot the whole time (I know how to type. I know how to use MS Office), and I'd be surrounded by 20 geeky boys picking their noses and talking about World of Warcraft (shout-out to Kevin and Mikey). Vanity aside, I told Seth and Haley about this choice today, and they bursted out laughing. Apparently, Seth took this class his freshman year - he had some quite interesting things to say about it.
My solution to the problem? Let's get rid of my easy class, and replace it with Advanced Placement Environmental Science. I asked my guidance counselor (who happens to be the best guidance counselor in the universe!) if I was going to die with this schedule. She laughed and goes "Oh well... you'll be... very busy..." I asked if that was guidance counselor speak for "yes" and she just laughed again. Hmm...
Today though I showed the freshmen around during their orientation time. I was at school longer than a normal school day - and missed St. Augustine Turn or Burn for it. Kinda wondering how I got bit by the motivation bug last spring when I signed up to do that too. Hmm... At least I got a flyswatter in Detroit, right?
Hebrews 6:10.
Well, working on it, at least.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Love wins
It's been quite a great week!
Last Sunday I got to take two of the little boys, Dyl and Ty to the beach with another friend Meaghan. For most of my life, I've been the oldest in social situations - just how it worked out on my block, growing up with a bunch of boys that were 1-3 years younger than me. (Recently though, the tables have turned, and I've found myself enjoying the company of older friends more - there's so much to learn from them. Is that weird?) It was super exciting to be able to spend the day with them, watching how they interact with each other. Plus, it gave Mommy a day off - I'm guessing there's not a whole lot more exciting than having your kids taken for the day, and brought back to you totally knocked out.
Tuesday I had a spontaneous visit from an old friend I don't get to see often. Since I go to school out of town, the majority of my relationships with "New Smyrna friends" that actually made it through me constantly being MIA are friends who go to my church. She doesn't go though (we're working on it), so I only get to see her every now and then.
While I was cooking dinner for the two of us before she headed out, Amanda called me in a bit of a frazzle, needing a puppysitter (does anybody else hire babysitters for their dogs?...) It was fun to spend 3 days with my other family, just hanging around the house, loving, and being loved on. The dog was SUPER good too, which is crazy, considering last time I watched her she tried to eat me, and I've been calling her Satan since. We had some sisterly bonding (:
Thursday we went to Turn or Burn together - Kinsey Anne wasn't there (note: I don't know what to do with myself when my other half isn't in town), so there wasn't another "shark incident." It's kind of funny to see our leaders get super excited about sand castle building - and Kevin saying he's going to boogie board. Katie The Intern is pretty much the best tai chi leader in the world, fyi.
If you know me, you know I like to be super productive. I'm highly task oriented. Saturday totally fell into that. I babysat with Meaghan (I'm sensing a pattern to this) from early in the morning until the early evening, then ran errands, cleaned, did laundry, made dinner, went to the gym, and finished my Sunday School lesson all in one evening. Win.
Yesterday was my best fraaand's 25th birthday party. I must admit, I was a bit sketched by the idea of being in the heat all day, but God is good and provided a breeze - He probs didn't want to listen to me whine, either! I decided to be a rebel though, and not apply sunscreen. I told myself I wouldn't burn if I just stayed in the shade. Not so much. I'm a tad crispy. Either I burned just walking from Audra's house to the pool (as Niki calls it, speed tanning!) or I'm a UV magnet (though I do know that UV rays bounce 10 feet into the shade... brilliant).
Today Kinsey Anne and I went over to her house early in the morning before Nate left for work or she got up (shout out to Whitney) to make her breakfast. Homegirl didn't have plans, and it's just pretty much illegal to be by yourself on your birthday. I was going to make it a surprise, but she was considering going to work because she had nothing else to do - again, illegal move! I made her my blueberry banana bread - it's basically heaven in a pan. (Something is going on with my blueberries though. They sink to the bottom and get a tad soggy. Anybody know how to fix this?). We hung around her house for a bit, got lunch, then went shopping and got our nails done. It was fun, hanging out with my two best girls.
God is so good. He's giving me such great joy. I have such an awesome week with all these people that I love, and I can't imagine that there is a God out there who loves me more than all of them combined. They don't know all my dirt or my junk in the trunk (no Kinsey, I'm not referring to my backside), but He does, and covers it all with His grace. Days like these make me totally excited to see my God - I can't even fathom what better of a week it will be, being with him.
Maybe we can get our nails done, too...
Last Sunday I got to take two of the little boys, Dyl and Ty to the beach with another friend Meaghan. For most of my life, I've been the oldest in social situations - just how it worked out on my block, growing up with a bunch of boys that were 1-3 years younger than me. (Recently though, the tables have turned, and I've found myself enjoying the company of older friends more - there's so much to learn from them. Is that weird?) It was super exciting to be able to spend the day with them, watching how they interact with each other. Plus, it gave Mommy a day off - I'm guessing there's not a whole lot more exciting than having your kids taken for the day, and brought back to you totally knocked out.
Tuesday I had a spontaneous visit from an old friend I don't get to see often. Since I go to school out of town, the majority of my relationships with "New Smyrna friends" that actually made it through me constantly being MIA are friends who go to my church. She doesn't go though (we're working on it), so I only get to see her every now and then.
While I was cooking dinner for the two of us before she headed out, Amanda called me in a bit of a frazzle, needing a puppysitter (does anybody else hire babysitters for their dogs?...) It was fun to spend 3 days with my other family, just hanging around the house, loving, and being loved on. The dog was SUPER good too, which is crazy, considering last time I watched her she tried to eat me, and I've been calling her Satan since. We had some sisterly bonding (:
Thursday we went to Turn or Burn together - Kinsey Anne wasn't there (note: I don't know what to do with myself when my other half isn't in town), so there wasn't another "shark incident." It's kind of funny to see our leaders get super excited about sand castle building - and Kevin saying he's going to boogie board. Katie The Intern is pretty much the best tai chi leader in the world, fyi.
If you know me, you know I like to be super productive. I'm highly task oriented. Saturday totally fell into that. I babysat with Meaghan (I'm sensing a pattern to this) from early in the morning until the early evening, then ran errands, cleaned, did laundry, made dinner, went to the gym, and finished my Sunday School lesson all in one evening. Win.
Yesterday was my best fraaand's 25th birthday party. I must admit, I was a bit sketched by the idea of being in the heat all day, but God is good and provided a breeze - He probs didn't want to listen to me whine, either! I decided to be a rebel though, and not apply sunscreen. I told myself I wouldn't burn if I just stayed in the shade. Not so much. I'm a tad crispy. Either I burned just walking from Audra's house to the pool (as Niki calls it, speed tanning!) or I'm a UV magnet (though I do know that UV rays bounce 10 feet into the shade... brilliant).
Today Kinsey Anne and I went over to her house early in the morning before Nate left for work or she got up (shout out to Whitney) to make her breakfast. Homegirl didn't have plans, and it's just pretty much illegal to be by yourself on your birthday. I was going to make it a surprise, but she was considering going to work because she had nothing else to do - again, illegal move! I made her my blueberry banana bread - it's basically heaven in a pan. (Something is going on with my blueberries though. They sink to the bottom and get a tad soggy. Anybody know how to fix this?). We hung around her house for a bit, got lunch, then went shopping and got our nails done. It was fun, hanging out with my two best girls.
God is so good. He's giving me such great joy. I have such an awesome week with all these people that I love, and I can't imagine that there is a God out there who loves me more than all of them combined. They don't know all my dirt or my junk in the trunk (no Kinsey, I'm not referring to my backside), but He does, and covers it all with His grace. Days like these make me totally excited to see my God - I can't even fathom what better of a week it will be, being with him.
Maybe we can get our nails done, too...
Friday, August 7, 2009
A little reflection.
Wow. This summer sure has passed by SO fast. But it's definitely been the best summer yet.
I think it's quite interesting to see how I change between the school year and summer. Particularly this year.
The school year has been filled with prayers of "God, please let me make it through the next 3 hours. Help me to stay awake! Please help me remember everything I studied last night!". The summer is filled with prayers of "Wow, God, you are SO awesome."
During school, I'm somewhat forced to filter my mouth on certain topics. At some point during the summer, my darenotoffendnonbelievers filter was stripped off and replaced with a tongue that is fully aware of the Great Commission.
When I'm at school, I'm in a constant battle that comes when you're surrounded by a population that's mostly nonbelievers. This summer though, I've been surrounded by a community of followers of Christ that allow me to not worry about myself - there's plenty of people around me tending to my needs and me tending to theirs. If you know me, you know I've said several times that I think I'm going to end up living by myself when I'm older - I just don't function well sharing space. But in Detroit, I realized that it's easier living with 50 Christians than it is 2 atheists.
While I'm enrolled in 7 college-level classes, my mindset somehow seems to turn God into class number 8. I now realize that when you look at the bible as more of a textbook, going to church as going to class, and working through a devo or daily prayer as homework, you depersonify the Teacher who would rather sit down and talk WITH you rather than count up how many pages of notes you can take during his lecture. This summer though, I've found great joy in celebrating God and all of his creations, distraction-free. No obligations.
Now, the point of this is not to say that school is bad (painful though, it is), or that I'm ashamed of my faith (ask any of my teachers or peers), or that I don't love God and thank Him during the school year. While I can't take school out as being A top priority, God has SO much more to offer us when we put him as THE absolute top priority. Or maybe it's not that God has more to offer, maybe it's just more we're willing to take the time and effort to accept. When we cut out the distractions of our lives, it's amazing how much God can fill them.
While I'll still have to do all my homework come August 24th, and while I'll still be fighting to shovel everything into a 24 hour window (sleep need not apply), there's a sovereign God out there who will take care of me if I take the care to be with Him. There's been plenty of days where I've decided "I'm not doing anymore homework tonight. I'm going to go read my bible." There's also been the exact same number of following days where I've found myself being okay with not having my homework completed - due date pushed back, extra time in another class, whatever.
My life can seem chaotic at times. In some aspects, I kinda like it that way - I like having a TDL and seeing tasks accomplished or having things to do. Other times, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Those are the times when I have to stop and wonder, "Am I letting this world take me over? Will it take me breaking down from stress to remember that there is no reason for this, because somebody else is already taking care of it?" It's easier living with a God that you can trust than it is living with 50 Christians than it is living with 2 atheists.
I think it's quite interesting to see how I change between the school year and summer. Particularly this year.
The school year has been filled with prayers of "God, please let me make it through the next 3 hours. Help me to stay awake! Please help me remember everything I studied last night!". The summer is filled with prayers of "Wow, God, you are SO awesome."
During school, I'm somewhat forced to filter my mouth on certain topics. At some point during the summer, my darenotoffendnonbelievers filter was stripped off and replaced with a tongue that is fully aware of the Great Commission.
When I'm at school, I'm in a constant battle that comes when you're surrounded by a population that's mostly nonbelievers. This summer though, I've been surrounded by a community of followers of Christ that allow me to not worry about myself - there's plenty of people around me tending to my needs and me tending to theirs. If you know me, you know I've said several times that I think I'm going to end up living by myself when I'm older - I just don't function well sharing space. But in Detroit, I realized that it's easier living with 50 Christians than it is 2 atheists.
While I'm enrolled in 7 college-level classes, my mindset somehow seems to turn God into class number 8. I now realize that when you look at the bible as more of a textbook, going to church as going to class, and working through a devo or daily prayer as homework, you depersonify the Teacher who would rather sit down and talk WITH you rather than count up how many pages of notes you can take during his lecture. This summer though, I've found great joy in celebrating God and all of his creations, distraction-free. No obligations.
Now, the point of this is not to say that school is bad (painful though, it is), or that I'm ashamed of my faith (ask any of my teachers or peers), or that I don't love God and thank Him during the school year. While I can't take school out as being A top priority, God has SO much more to offer us when we put him as THE absolute top priority. Or maybe it's not that God has more to offer, maybe it's just more we're willing to take the time and effort to accept. When we cut out the distractions of our lives, it's amazing how much God can fill them.
While I'll still have to do all my homework come August 24th, and while I'll still be fighting to shovel everything into a 24 hour window (sleep need not apply), there's a sovereign God out there who will take care of me if I take the care to be with Him. There's been plenty of days where I've decided "I'm not doing anymore homework tonight. I'm going to go read my bible." There's also been the exact same number of following days where I've found myself being okay with not having my homework completed - due date pushed back, extra time in another class, whatever.
My life can seem chaotic at times. In some aspects, I kinda like it that way - I like having a TDL and seeing tasks accomplished or having things to do. Other times, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Those are the times when I have to stop and wonder, "Am I letting this world take me over? Will it take me breaking down from stress to remember that there is no reason for this, because somebody else is already taking care of it?" It's easier living with a God that you can trust than it is living with 50 Christians than it is living with 2 atheists.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
