The past week has been mass chaos. I think my world has been flipped upside down, shaken, and stirred. I'm pretty sure I've gone through every emotion known to man in the past few days. Last night, I made it to bed before midnight - my brain wanted nothing more than to turn off for a few hours (nearly 11, haha).
But in light of all of this, the biggest burden of my life has been lifted from my shoulders. The Great Divorce is over. It's over. The object that has taken over my life and sent my life spiraling for my entire high school career is gone. The tumor has been removed from my life. World War Three has ended. This is like the Super Bowl of my life.
It's a new life I'm entering. If you know me, you know I don't like change - good or bad. I like order and predictability. I like ten year plans (God on the other hand, doesn't... we've had some talks about that). But this new life doens't involve court dates, or being played as a pawn (okay, I'll still probably be manipulated, but I'm hoping not as much), or meetings with lawyers that charge hundreds an hour, or not being able to do suchandsuch because the court says no. I'm free.
So here's to celebrating all that God has done, and how far he's brought me in just the past two years. God always DOES use our sins, our folly, our flaws to come out for the good. He uses it to train us, to strengthen us, to make us whole, complete, and mature. He's brought me through the fire to be refined.
Zechariah 13:9
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The motivation bug
So every now and then, I get into these little spells of ultra-motivation - that always end up biting me in the butt.
The latest? Deciding to sign up for another college-level class this year. For some odd reason (seriously people, I wonder if I'm taking drugs sometimes and don't know it) last spring I signed up for a computer class as my elective. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. But it dawned on me that I would be ready to shoot myself in the foot the whole time (I know how to type. I know how to use MS Office), and I'd be surrounded by 20 geeky boys picking their noses and talking about World of Warcraft (shout-out to Kevin and Mikey). Vanity aside, I told Seth and Haley about this choice today, and they bursted out laughing. Apparently, Seth took this class his freshman year - he had some quite interesting things to say about it.
My solution to the problem? Let's get rid of my easy class, and replace it with Advanced Placement Environmental Science. I asked my guidance counselor (who happens to be the best guidance counselor in the universe!) if I was going to die with this schedule. She laughed and goes "Oh well... you'll be... very busy..." I asked if that was guidance counselor speak for "yes" and she just laughed again. Hmm...
Today though I showed the freshmen around during their orientation time. I was at school longer than a normal school day - and missed St. Augustine Turn or Burn for it. Kinda wondering how I got bit by the motivation bug last spring when I signed up to do that too. Hmm... At least I got a flyswatter in Detroit, right?
Hebrews 6:10.
Well, working on it, at least.
The latest? Deciding to sign up for another college-level class this year. For some odd reason (seriously people, I wonder if I'm taking drugs sometimes and don't know it) last spring I signed up for a computer class as my elective. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. But it dawned on me that I would be ready to shoot myself in the foot the whole time (I know how to type. I know how to use MS Office), and I'd be surrounded by 20 geeky boys picking their noses and talking about World of Warcraft (shout-out to Kevin and Mikey). Vanity aside, I told Seth and Haley about this choice today, and they bursted out laughing. Apparently, Seth took this class his freshman year - he had some quite interesting things to say about it.
My solution to the problem? Let's get rid of my easy class, and replace it with Advanced Placement Environmental Science. I asked my guidance counselor (who happens to be the best guidance counselor in the universe!) if I was going to die with this schedule. She laughed and goes "Oh well... you'll be... very busy..." I asked if that was guidance counselor speak for "yes" and she just laughed again. Hmm...
Today though I showed the freshmen around during their orientation time. I was at school longer than a normal school day - and missed St. Augustine Turn or Burn for it. Kinda wondering how I got bit by the motivation bug last spring when I signed up to do that too. Hmm... At least I got a flyswatter in Detroit, right?
Hebrews 6:10.
Well, working on it, at least.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Love wins
It's been quite a great week!
Last Sunday I got to take two of the little boys, Dyl and Ty to the beach with another friend Meaghan. For most of my life, I've been the oldest in social situations - just how it worked out on my block, growing up with a bunch of boys that were 1-3 years younger than me. (Recently though, the tables have turned, and I've found myself enjoying the company of older friends more - there's so much to learn from them. Is that weird?) It was super exciting to be able to spend the day with them, watching how they interact with each other. Plus, it gave Mommy a day off - I'm guessing there's not a whole lot more exciting than having your kids taken for the day, and brought back to you totally knocked out.
Tuesday I had a spontaneous visit from an old friend I don't get to see often. Since I go to school out of town, the majority of my relationships with "New Smyrna friends" that actually made it through me constantly being MIA are friends who go to my church. She doesn't go though (we're working on it), so I only get to see her every now and then.
While I was cooking dinner for the two of us before she headed out, Amanda called me in a bit of a frazzle, needing a puppysitter (does anybody else hire babysitters for their dogs?...) It was fun to spend 3 days with my other family, just hanging around the house, loving, and being loved on. The dog was SUPER good too, which is crazy, considering last time I watched her she tried to eat me, and I've been calling her Satan since. We had some sisterly bonding (:
Thursday we went to Turn or Burn together - Kinsey Anne wasn't there (note: I don't know what to do with myself when my other half isn't in town), so there wasn't another "shark incident." It's kind of funny to see our leaders get super excited about sand castle building - and Kevin saying he's going to boogie board. Katie The Intern is pretty much the best tai chi leader in the world, fyi.
If you know me, you know I like to be super productive. I'm highly task oriented. Saturday totally fell into that. I babysat with Meaghan (I'm sensing a pattern to this) from early in the morning until the early evening, then ran errands, cleaned, did laundry, made dinner, went to the gym, and finished my Sunday School lesson all in one evening. Win.
Yesterday was my best fraaand's 25th birthday party. I must admit, I was a bit sketched by the idea of being in the heat all day, but God is good and provided a breeze - He probs didn't want to listen to me whine, either! I decided to be a rebel though, and not apply sunscreen. I told myself I wouldn't burn if I just stayed in the shade. Not so much. I'm a tad crispy. Either I burned just walking from Audra's house to the pool (as Niki calls it, speed tanning!) or I'm a UV magnet (though I do know that UV rays bounce 10 feet into the shade... brilliant).
Today Kinsey Anne and I went over to her house early in the morning before Nate left for work or she got up (shout out to Whitney) to make her breakfast. Homegirl didn't have plans, and it's just pretty much illegal to be by yourself on your birthday. I was going to make it a surprise, but she was considering going to work because she had nothing else to do - again, illegal move! I made her my blueberry banana bread - it's basically heaven in a pan. (Something is going on with my blueberries though. They sink to the bottom and get a tad soggy. Anybody know how to fix this?). We hung around her house for a bit, got lunch, then went shopping and got our nails done. It was fun, hanging out with my two best girls.
God is so good. He's giving me such great joy. I have such an awesome week with all these people that I love, and I can't imagine that there is a God out there who loves me more than all of them combined. They don't know all my dirt or my junk in the trunk (no Kinsey, I'm not referring to my backside), but He does, and covers it all with His grace. Days like these make me totally excited to see my God - I can't even fathom what better of a week it will be, being with him.
Maybe we can get our nails done, too...
Last Sunday I got to take two of the little boys, Dyl and Ty to the beach with another friend Meaghan. For most of my life, I've been the oldest in social situations - just how it worked out on my block, growing up with a bunch of boys that were 1-3 years younger than me. (Recently though, the tables have turned, and I've found myself enjoying the company of older friends more - there's so much to learn from them. Is that weird?) It was super exciting to be able to spend the day with them, watching how they interact with each other. Plus, it gave Mommy a day off - I'm guessing there's not a whole lot more exciting than having your kids taken for the day, and brought back to you totally knocked out.
Tuesday I had a spontaneous visit from an old friend I don't get to see often. Since I go to school out of town, the majority of my relationships with "New Smyrna friends" that actually made it through me constantly being MIA are friends who go to my church. She doesn't go though (we're working on it), so I only get to see her every now and then.
While I was cooking dinner for the two of us before she headed out, Amanda called me in a bit of a frazzle, needing a puppysitter (does anybody else hire babysitters for their dogs?...) It was fun to spend 3 days with my other family, just hanging around the house, loving, and being loved on. The dog was SUPER good too, which is crazy, considering last time I watched her she tried to eat me, and I've been calling her Satan since. We had some sisterly bonding (:
Thursday we went to Turn or Burn together - Kinsey Anne wasn't there (note: I don't know what to do with myself when my other half isn't in town), so there wasn't another "shark incident." It's kind of funny to see our leaders get super excited about sand castle building - and Kevin saying he's going to boogie board. Katie The Intern is pretty much the best tai chi leader in the world, fyi.
If you know me, you know I like to be super productive. I'm highly task oriented. Saturday totally fell into that. I babysat with Meaghan (I'm sensing a pattern to this) from early in the morning until the early evening, then ran errands, cleaned, did laundry, made dinner, went to the gym, and finished my Sunday School lesson all in one evening. Win.
Yesterday was my best fraaand's 25th birthday party. I must admit, I was a bit sketched by the idea of being in the heat all day, but God is good and provided a breeze - He probs didn't want to listen to me whine, either! I decided to be a rebel though, and not apply sunscreen. I told myself I wouldn't burn if I just stayed in the shade. Not so much. I'm a tad crispy. Either I burned just walking from Audra's house to the pool (as Niki calls it, speed tanning!) or I'm a UV magnet (though I do know that UV rays bounce 10 feet into the shade... brilliant).
Today Kinsey Anne and I went over to her house early in the morning before Nate left for work or she got up (shout out to Whitney) to make her breakfast. Homegirl didn't have plans, and it's just pretty much illegal to be by yourself on your birthday. I was going to make it a surprise, but she was considering going to work because she had nothing else to do - again, illegal move! I made her my blueberry banana bread - it's basically heaven in a pan. (Something is going on with my blueberries though. They sink to the bottom and get a tad soggy. Anybody know how to fix this?). We hung around her house for a bit, got lunch, then went shopping and got our nails done. It was fun, hanging out with my two best girls.
God is so good. He's giving me such great joy. I have such an awesome week with all these people that I love, and I can't imagine that there is a God out there who loves me more than all of them combined. They don't know all my dirt or my junk in the trunk (no Kinsey, I'm not referring to my backside), but He does, and covers it all with His grace. Days like these make me totally excited to see my God - I can't even fathom what better of a week it will be, being with him.
Maybe we can get our nails done, too...
Friday, August 7, 2009
A little reflection.
Wow. This summer sure has passed by SO fast. But it's definitely been the best summer yet.
I think it's quite interesting to see how I change between the school year and summer. Particularly this year.
The school year has been filled with prayers of "God, please let me make it through the next 3 hours. Help me to stay awake! Please help me remember everything I studied last night!". The summer is filled with prayers of "Wow, God, you are SO awesome."
During school, I'm somewhat forced to filter my mouth on certain topics. At some point during the summer, my darenotoffendnonbelievers filter was stripped off and replaced with a tongue that is fully aware of the Great Commission.
When I'm at school, I'm in a constant battle that comes when you're surrounded by a population that's mostly nonbelievers. This summer though, I've been surrounded by a community of followers of Christ that allow me to not worry about myself - there's plenty of people around me tending to my needs and me tending to theirs. If you know me, you know I've said several times that I think I'm going to end up living by myself when I'm older - I just don't function well sharing space. But in Detroit, I realized that it's easier living with 50 Christians than it is 2 atheists.
While I'm enrolled in 7 college-level classes, my mindset somehow seems to turn God into class number 8. I now realize that when you look at the bible as more of a textbook, going to church as going to class, and working through a devo or daily prayer as homework, you depersonify the Teacher who would rather sit down and talk WITH you rather than count up how many pages of notes you can take during his lecture. This summer though, I've found great joy in celebrating God and all of his creations, distraction-free. No obligations.
Now, the point of this is not to say that school is bad (painful though, it is), or that I'm ashamed of my faith (ask any of my teachers or peers), or that I don't love God and thank Him during the school year. While I can't take school out as being A top priority, God has SO much more to offer us when we put him as THE absolute top priority. Or maybe it's not that God has more to offer, maybe it's just more we're willing to take the time and effort to accept. When we cut out the distractions of our lives, it's amazing how much God can fill them.
While I'll still have to do all my homework come August 24th, and while I'll still be fighting to shovel everything into a 24 hour window (sleep need not apply), there's a sovereign God out there who will take care of me if I take the care to be with Him. There's been plenty of days where I've decided "I'm not doing anymore homework tonight. I'm going to go read my bible." There's also been the exact same number of following days where I've found myself being okay with not having my homework completed - due date pushed back, extra time in another class, whatever.
My life can seem chaotic at times. In some aspects, I kinda like it that way - I like having a TDL and seeing tasks accomplished or having things to do. Other times, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Those are the times when I have to stop and wonder, "Am I letting this world take me over? Will it take me breaking down from stress to remember that there is no reason for this, because somebody else is already taking care of it?" It's easier living with a God that you can trust than it is living with 50 Christians than it is living with 2 atheists.
I think it's quite interesting to see how I change between the school year and summer. Particularly this year.
The school year has been filled with prayers of "God, please let me make it through the next 3 hours. Help me to stay awake! Please help me remember everything I studied last night!". The summer is filled with prayers of "Wow, God, you are SO awesome."
During school, I'm somewhat forced to filter my mouth on certain topics. At some point during the summer, my darenotoffendnonbelievers filter was stripped off and replaced with a tongue that is fully aware of the Great Commission.
When I'm at school, I'm in a constant battle that comes when you're surrounded by a population that's mostly nonbelievers. This summer though, I've been surrounded by a community of followers of Christ that allow me to not worry about myself - there's plenty of people around me tending to my needs and me tending to theirs. If you know me, you know I've said several times that I think I'm going to end up living by myself when I'm older - I just don't function well sharing space. But in Detroit, I realized that it's easier living with 50 Christians than it is 2 atheists.
While I'm enrolled in 7 college-level classes, my mindset somehow seems to turn God into class number 8. I now realize that when you look at the bible as more of a textbook, going to church as going to class, and working through a devo or daily prayer as homework, you depersonify the Teacher who would rather sit down and talk WITH you rather than count up how many pages of notes you can take during his lecture. This summer though, I've found great joy in celebrating God and all of his creations, distraction-free. No obligations.
Now, the point of this is not to say that school is bad (painful though, it is), or that I'm ashamed of my faith (ask any of my teachers or peers), or that I don't love God and thank Him during the school year. While I can't take school out as being A top priority, God has SO much more to offer us when we put him as THE absolute top priority. Or maybe it's not that God has more to offer, maybe it's just more we're willing to take the time and effort to accept. When we cut out the distractions of our lives, it's amazing how much God can fill them.
While I'll still have to do all my homework come August 24th, and while I'll still be fighting to shovel everything into a 24 hour window (sleep need not apply), there's a sovereign God out there who will take care of me if I take the care to be with Him. There's been plenty of days where I've decided "I'm not doing anymore homework tonight. I'm going to go read my bible." There's also been the exact same number of following days where I've found myself being okay with not having my homework completed - due date pushed back, extra time in another class, whatever.
My life can seem chaotic at times. In some aspects, I kinda like it that way - I like having a TDL and seeing tasks accomplished or having things to do. Other times, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Those are the times when I have to stop and wonder, "Am I letting this world take me over? Will it take me breaking down from stress to remember that there is no reason for this, because somebody else is already taking care of it?" It's easier living with a God that you can trust than it is living with 50 Christians than it is living with 2 atheists.
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