In motion.

An object in motion stays in motion.

I've been in motion - and it's not forward. I have the potential to make this year or break it; it will either be the Year of Dani, or not.

I don't care what everyone has heard; some of which is false. The fact is, nobody but Jesus and I know the truth, and that's enough for me. The rumors were started despite the assurance given to me that they wouldn't. The stories spread and the eyebrows were raised regardless of my opinion or record. Now I won't deny there was some truth in the gossip that was milled, but the fact is, I am / will / should be dealing with it privately.

So here's my public declaration. Let me say it - it is finished, and frankly, it is nobody's business but my own and Jesus'. My internal struggle was not the place of other's to share, and was only intensified by the way it was handled by the people who were supposed to protect me. Mouths were opened out of turn, unjust punishments were dealt, and assumptions were made then proclaimed as truth. A giant hurricane of miscommunication has destroyed the good things I had going for me; now I'm left to clean up the rubble - but don't doubt me, it will be repaired. The "help" I was given was only hurt, but that's irrelevant for this posting. I will continue to strive to release my frustration and anger, and forgive those I feel have wronged me and trampled my trust. I may never agree with decisions that were brought upon me, but what's done is done. Forgiveness, healing, and growth is in store. Jesus and I will slowly remove my wall, brick by brick, that has ironically left me defenseless.

I may feel like wear a scarlet letter, but I will still hold my head high. I will leave this year, my final senior year, with a bang. I will continue the legacy of excellence that I have long desired but wavered from. "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice The Gift" (S. Prefontaine); this is a gift that I'm not returning - it's worth it. The storm has passed, and is never coming back. I am quite certain that it is impossible to love others and to love God well (don't even consider bringing Him glory) when one is married to their iniquities. The ending of my story is what I choose to write it as, with God as my editor.

So there it is. Let the elephant in the room be put back in the zoo. My demons will never be removed from my home if I'm not willing to take them out of the closet with my own two hands. The questions will come, the awkward glances will beam across the room, and hushed voices will whisper. But the story is over. Let's bury the hatchet, and may I move on with my life. I will make it happen, I will make it work. I have to; not because someone is dragging me along, but because I need to and desire to do it for me.

Goal!

I've been reading Donald Miller's blog. He posted a piece on the success of youth; a big problem we have is that we lack goals. I can definitely be a case study for this. I have no goals - I'm quite content with just making it through the day, only to repeat the same ritual over and over, until by Thursday morning I'm completely beat and praying for Friday evening to come. The problem that I have with "goals" is that they seem so abstract; how do I know what my life will look like in 10 years and if this will still be what I'll want for myself? Well, it's better than nothing. It shows purpose and allows for fulfillment and meaning. The other issue I have is that I never know what to do once I have these desires. I suppose though, that I can never know how to get there, if I haven't a clue where I'm going (road trips without maps are always dysfunctional - unless you're me, and can get lost with the best GPS available).

So here we go!

• 10 years: 27 years old; August / September 2020

1. Have little baby Dani's (ehh... we're still not convinced of this one, but I'm getting old!)
2. Be married (okay, I'm sure you've all heard me say "I want the party, the dress, the cake and the presents, but not the groom - but hey, someone has to take care of said babies!)
3. Be out of school!

• 5 years: 22 years old; August / September 2015

1. Have a bachelors degree in some well-accomplishing, useful, enjoyable field
2. Begin / continue graduate school
3. Develop some plan for "settling down" after school

• 1 year: 18 years old; August / September 2011

1. Be heading to college (and confident with the decision)
2. Develop some working idea of what I'm going to do for a career
3. Devise some way to continually encourage and love on my small group girls throughout the year (It'll be their first year since 3rd grade without Miss Dani around)

• 1 month:17 years old; September 30, 2011

1. Have drafts of college applications completed
2. Have 5 scholarships applied for
3. Have CAS hours turned in

• 1 week:17 years old; September 6, 2011

1. Schedule a visit for Flagler College
2. Have Extended Essay complete (it's 21 pages of excellence, broken up into chapters, if you're interested in a light read)
3. Narrow down college selections to top 5

Amira Rose

I'm quite certain that I have the most beautiful little sister in the whole world.

Christie

Me: "Christie, come look at my cute new blog!"

Christie: "Am I in it?"

Me: "Uhh... no?"

Christie: "Then it's not cute!"

So here you go, Tina.

I love you tons and tons! This summer has been great with my roommate (minus my missing clothes). I'm going to miss you when you leave!

Love,

Dani

A city where I can settle

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. - verses 6 & 7

I love it when God makes a great rescue. When all seems hopeless and like the villain is going to win, in steps Jesus to save the day and "bind up the brokenhearted". During the reign of King Jehoiakim, the Babylonian empire invaded Judah, God's holy land. King Nebuchadnezzar (affectionately known as King Nebby) was exalted and took the Jews hostage, bringing them into captivity. Almost overnight, these poor families were suddenly prisoners, some of them in a new land. They were beaten on, starved, degraded, and abused.

But you see, the awesome thing about God though, is that He "will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance." God promised the Israelites long ago that he would always bring them back, even from the most distant lands. He promised to never leave nor forsake them. The amazing thing is that God never goes back on these promises, and they transcend generations.

The Jews held captive in Babylon began their prayer with a reflection of praise and worship. They then moved right into communicating to God exactly what was hurting them and remembered how He had redeemed them so many times before. They held onto their faith of the past, and never gave up hope that their Maker would come back once more to save them. Even in the midst of captivity, they thanked God for all He had done, and for that which was coming. They cried out, despite their iniquities, approaching the throne with reverence, fear, and faith. It was then that God rescued them from their deepest gloom, their mire, and their prison. It was then, only after they had acknowledged the power of God and put all their trust in Him that He broke away their chains and brought them to a city where they could settle - a place where they could rest their heads and find peace.

As for me, in quietness and trust is my strength. I too, will only be rescued through repentance and rest. The funny thing is though, that God asks for us rest before we are even healed and brought into the place were we think we should be. It makes me want to say, with my finger on the poorly drawn map that I've crafted for my own life, "Umm, God, come on now. I can't relax when I'm surrounded by this and this! If you'll just bring me here, then I can rest. Then I'll be okay. Then I can keep my head above water, and everything will be good." But (thankfully), that's not how it works. The great thing is that God is working on my team. He has plans for me that are greater than anything I can scheme up, that all work for the greater good of His Kingdom. When He asks me to rest, He's asking me to trust in Him. He's asking me to bring my matters to the table and know I am heard. He's asking me to rest in Him, knowing that it will all be taken care of accordingly. I too, will find a city where I can settle and be free.

The art of trying.

There's a lot to be said about trying. What people pour their heart and souls into has a reflection on... well, their heart and soul; it'd be foolish to devote ourselves to something that doesn't hold meaning. It's a reflection of our values. We sacrifice big things for the promise of something even greater. We go through the pain of the struggle in the hope of the outcome, much like an athlete punishes his body for the dream of a medal.

I have a friend; I love her with all my heart, and I would hope she would say the same. The odd thing is though, we have had an on-and-off, misunderstood, unresolved falling out for the last year, full of anger and hurt. But there's something that keeps the both of us going. There's some great outcome we are both striving for and believe is out there that keeps both of us moving forward, trying to repair the relationship. It's a friendship that will last for a long time, I am certain, because of the roots it holds and the mutual hope that we both have. The hope is Christ-driven, and tell us that it's okay to be angry, but to not seethe with hate; it's okay to address and confront wrongs, but not to keep a record of them; it's okay to step out of the picture for a season, but to never stop loving. We both know this friendship is not over. We both still go to each other after weeks of silence with both great news of success and shattering, late-night desperation of comfort, or spend the day together like best friends should. Despite what has happened, we still defend each other in front of others and interact civilly together even in the midst of our deepest arguments.

A wise observer told me, "It's crazy, you two. You're radically different, but you love each other. The thing that amazes me though, is that you never stop trying." That's what makes the difference - trying.