Counting chickens before they're hatched

God ruined my plans.

I say this half mocking myself and half being honest with myself.

My income went down. My expenses went up. All of it was completely out of my control. My bank account has $1.08 in it and I haven't bought groceries in over a week.

But I take heart in knowing that the Lord has me here for a purpose. He has blessed me with a job, free summer housing, and thus far He has carried me. Who am I to assume He will drop me now?

Quite honestly, part of me was a bit disappointed when I ran my budget a few months ago and found that everything was going to be beyond okay. My life was going to be comfortable. (That dirty little word!) Comfort says "You don't need to pray for this. Why ask God to provide what you already have? You don't need to rely on Him. I've got it all covered. There's no need for a miracle."

I have said a few times that I kind of like being poor. I get to watch God provide every month. I get to see Him drop mysterious money into my bank account the day bills are due. I get to listen to Him tell me "Look in your desk drawer," when I am broke and almost out of my prescriptions. I get to come home after class to a bag of groceries sitting on my bed with an anonymous love note saying "Thought you might need this." I get to pray fervently, knowing that the God who diligently provided manna and quail so many centuries ago is still Lord.

He gives me everything I need. What do I need beyond what He has provided?

My life is not what I thought it would be. I know I've said it before, but I will continue to say it until my life ceases to be more creative, beautiful, and joyful than I could have ever imagined.

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:31-33

Sunny showers

I went to the bridal shower last weekend of one of my dearest mentors.

She was (and is!) absolutely beautiful.

I sat at a table with about seven other amazing women, all of them between four and forty years older than me.

There's some weekends where the sun is shining and I want nothing more than to be back in Daytona with my high school girlfriends. There's some Sunday mornings when I'm holding a child in the nursery and find myself missing my own baby sister terribly. Every holiday I'm stuck fighting off jealousy over the kids that are able to go back home to their families.

And then there's days like this.

Days when a woman who's known me less than a year introduces me as her "spiritual daughter".  When I sit with seven women who represent five continents they've lived in and have endless stories to tell. When thirty friends pray for a marriage and look to Christ as their first love. When the sun is shining, the humidity is low, the breeze is cool, and everything is just so perfect.

California has been hard - in some ways, harder than I ever imagined. Sometimes I find myself throwing my hands in the air and thinking "What am I doing here?"


Yet it has also been more beautiful and more giving and more healing than I could have ever asked.

Life is lovely.