"Can I do my homework in your room?...

... because your room is really cool and you're so awesome!" These sweet words came out of Hannah's mouth after the last girl left from the Grapple kickback at my house tonight. She connected so well with the girls. She was buzzing around the house before the kickback started, asking if this girl and that girl was going to be there. By the end of the night, she was begging them to stay, asking when they were going to be back, getting this one and that one to play with her, and telling Faith how excited she was that she might come over later in the week.

8 sweet little girls came over with Ms. Jamie to watch "Up", bake cookies, and eat popcorn. The movie ended early, and somehow (naturally) they all ended up in my room - and to my closet. The first girl spotted homecoming dresses. 10 minutes later, this picture was the end product. All of the girls were in one of my dresses, waddling around in unstable heels, draping on jewelry and headbands, and fumbling around in the makeup drawer - what is this for, where do you put this, is this for your eyes?

There's just something about these sweet little girls that I love. They're so innocent, so ready to love - and yet they're starting to be more aware of the shakeable world around them. This might become a monthly occurance, movie and game night with the girls. They saw my small group journal and liked the idea of writing in it and sharing. Maybe it's something we'll start doing. There's so much I want to do with them. I can't imagine some of them leaving next year for middle school.

So Hannah sprawled out on my floor while we both did homework and watched the finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Then she asked me about my bible study, and asked me if she could go with me. She said she wanted to learn more about the bible, and that she wanted to start taking hers with her to school to read during extended day. We went out to my car to find hers, and she laid on my bed reading it for a while until bed. We had lunch with Les, Momma T, and Nana Gail on Sunday (after we got in the car she said "Today was so much fun!"). She started talking about them and how she likes them, and asked about "Les's band". So we listened to some Fireflight as my heart defrosted a little. Tonight I'll go to bed with the first bit of hope I've had since moving.

My poor puppy... He had no chance tonight.

Permanent Kickback

I'm trying to adjust to this new life that's been thrown at me. It's so odd. One day it was just me and two others who were never home - except for my puppy. Now there's 3 puppies in a house that's never empty nor quiet. I went from doing all of the cleaning and grocery shopping to not having to do any of it, except what is my own mess. Yet I still want my old life back. I'll clean the whole house - toilets and dishes included - if I can go back home.

Suddenly, my dad's being... a dad... except it's not to me. It's to this new girl half my age who is sleeping on the other side of the house. And my dad is loving a woman - who isn't my mom. It's all so weird and not right. I'm still bitter. By the time I get to the house at night, I'm dead tired. I've noticed that when I'm tired, my resentment is magnified. This is the woman that my dad left my mom for. She is the catalyst of the past two years.

Hannah obviously wants to know me, though. In the hour or two that we are both awake and at the house at the same time, she lingers around my door like she wants to talk to me. But I never know what to say. Sometimes she'll build up the courage to say a quick "Hi Dani!" then scamper back down the hallway almost as if she's scared, or maybe embarrassed. Usually when I come out of my room she's sitting on the couch or at the table that's at the end of the hall and say hi to me or ask where I'm going if my keys are in my hand. Maybe she just likes being there, or maybe she's waiting for me to come out. I don't know how to live with an 8 year old. A part of me resents that she is the child of my dad's girlfriend. The fact that a father has a girlfriend, not a wife, just isn't even right.

Em told me to pretend it's Faith. Or to just act like it's another student that I work with, and we've just jumped to a Kickback - permanently. This makes me smile a bit, but it's not the same. I've been able to get to know Faith and her family for about two years now. I hold no animosity against them. And I don't live with them. Yes, Hannah (possibly) looks up to me - and that could be great. But I look up to Amanda, yet I don't live with her. It's a totally different situation. Very different. Not in a good way.

This does make my smile though: I asked my friend Phoebe how I deal with living with an 8 year old, and she goes "That's a good question. Make it your slave."

So, I'm off to go take a shower (there's healing properties in hot water and good smelling soaps) and continue listening to Francesca and Jon Foreman (there's also healing properties in music). They're also two of the only things that never change. Unlike most things in life, there's always music and there's always showers. They say babies work well in routine. I guess teenage girls do too.

Positive Comments

If you've spent some time around me, you've probably heard me say "3 positive comments!" It's something I started saying a while back when I was tired of hearing somebody whine about nothing. So to honor my own demands... here are 10 positive comments about the move. Here we go...

10. I like having my drive to school cut in half.

9. I like my drive to church cut in half.

8. I like my drive to most people's houses cut in half.

7. I like that I'm closer to cheaper gas (notice all these have to do with driving...)

6. My room is super cute.

5. Actually, the bathroom is pretty cute too (shout out to Amanda Fay).

4. My bedroom is about 3 feet from the front door, instead of the back corner. I can slip in and slip out without contact with anybody.

3. I don't have to share my pool with 30 other old sagging ladies and creepy men, nor do I have to reject the idea of getting anywhere near the packed pool on holiday weekends.

2. I get to organize (:

1. I got to spend the day unpacking with 2 of the sweetest people ever.

There. Positivity. Don't expect it often though (: