Caves

I generally dislike darkness. It stresses me out and makes me somewhat claustrophobic. When it's dark, I'm blind and crippled; I'm not free to move around to explore the world around me or get much accomplished. Despite all the drawbacks to darkness, I think I'm living in a cave. I don't mean it in the sense that I'm bunkering down in my room with just me, my blankie, and my laptop (though this does happen) - but the Dani that is ambitious and creative and tenacious isn't coming out to play often.

The part that concerns me even more though, is that I think a lot of my friends (assuming I have friends - but that's another blog for another day) are living in this cave with me. We're enjoying the darkness together because we glow off of each other just enough that we're able to get through the day, go through the motions. Our eyes have adjusted and we think we're okay - but there's so much more than just being okay. I'm tired of settling. We don't find a need to move... or maybe we do, but going out into the light now would burn our weakened eyes. It would involve effort, stretch muscles we haven't utilized, and sleepless nights where we lie in our beds too excited, too anxious, too worried. There's nothing more dangerous than a content Christian.

Or maybe I'm in the cave alone, and everybody's just running around in circles outside near the shelter of the cave. I do think we have had some good things for us as individuals or small groups, but I also think we've come back from these events and highs nearly the same as we were before. The Fuel team is dying; we've accomplished almost nothing in the last year. I'm tired of sitting in a room talking. First we talked about what we would do; time, money, and ability was all something that could be overcome. Then we started discussing things we could do; we were tired and just couldn't exert the same amount of effort again. Now we're simply having the same conversation over again: What will make you want to do something again?

We need an inciting incident (or at least I know I do), and I think this has been attempted a few times, but not yet succeeded. I think I've found mine - and it didn't cost a week out of town, a wordy speaker, or gobs of money. It's love, relationship. We did a survey in my statistics class - only 52% of students claimed belief in a higher power. 24% said they had no higher power, and 24% said they weren't sure. My class is pretty ethnically diverse; not all 52% of those students are followers of Yahweh. Over half my class is going to hell. OVER HALF. One in two? Two in three? An entire side of the room, at least. That literally makes me sick to my stomach to think that my peers, my friends, are going to hell... Can I say it again? WHY is this not enough to get me to move? Why can everyone know that I'm a Christian, people ask me "What did you do over the break? Save Africa?", or ask me in English class about biblical allusions, or say "oh, you're really religious, aren't you?" and yet not know anything more about who Jesus Christ is than they did when I met them my freshman year? This is disgusting; it stirs my heart. Why has this not kept me up at night before? I've shared the gospel several times and had little success; telling people feels embarrassing and awkward, but now there's numbers and faces...

It's awkward, but I like it. It needs to be done.

My darkness seems difficult, but my friends' darkness is going to be a whole lot worse. Something must be done. I can't wait for them to finally decide to drive to Sledgewater to go to youth group. I can't wait for someone else to tell them. Car crashes happen... people die too early. I need to move. Lives need to be changed, and I am called to catalyze it. I'm getting running out of my cave.

Matthew 10:26-34

“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

“Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.