Mother and father

I texted my biological dad today.

"Did you tell mom I'm moving to England?"

There's so much power in that text.

There's joy because I am finally getting to travel to my favorite country, the land of my heritage.

There's pain because I have to keep my life a secret from my mother, the woman who birthed me and raised me.

There's frustration because I feel like I have to be checking up on my dad, rather than the other way around.

And yet there's peace that I am still able to have a relationship with him.

Mother's Day and Father's Day are rapidly approaching. They're hard holidays to get through and I am always left unsure with how to respond to both my birth and foster parents. Yet I have recently realized that it is not an easy day for my mom and dad, either. We are all getting hurt, ripping open old wounds, expecting and disappointing.

They're also two days of the year where I am reminded of God's grace. It is a day where he tells me "They are mine, too. I love them no more and no less than I love you. They are my creation. I birthed you for a purpose, just as I birthed them for a purpose. I knew what I was doing when I put you all together."

There is nothing more beautifully humbling than to realize that the people you struggle with the most are also created in the image of God. While Mother's and Father's Day may never stop being days of pain, they can become times of forgiveness, humility, and repentance. The humanness in me wants to rip away the privilege of a celebration from them, yet the living Christ that breathes through me reminds me that the day represents so much more than my own animosity. It is a day that represents the things they did right, no matter how few. It negates all things done wrong, no matter how many. It remembers the grace of God and the beauty of all of his creation.

I am not sure yet what I will do when next Sunday rolls around. It is a difficult process to attempt to obey my parents, honor the Lord, and keep myself safe at the same time. It is a mess that I still do not understand - but God didn't reject me because of my mess.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 3:3