I woke up at 5am a couple of weeks ago, ready to start my day with the sunrise and a run to clear my head before going to the clinic.
As I sat in bed checking emails and Facebook posts to wake up to the bright light of my phone, my heart stopped. A shooting at FSU.
I frantically began texting friends.
As the news unfolded, we discovered that the shooter had heard voices and believed the government was after him.
I have seen this before.
In fact, I see this every day in the mental health clinic I work at.
Symptoms noticed.
No intervention.
A psychotic break.
Tragedy.
It is time we start talking about mental illness boldly, constructively, with open and welcoming arms.
It is time "depression" can carry as much stigma as "hay fever" and seeing a therapist is as normal as seeing the dentist.
In my own experience with mental illness, I turned to my church for support. I was met with both judgment and acceptance. It was the former part that stuck with me when I could not unstick myself.
"If you have anxiety, you aren't trusting God."
"Pray and read your bible more."
"Count it all joy. You are blessed."
"Taking medications is cheating."
Paying, reading Scripture, counting our blessings, trusting God, and having faith are all excellent things. Maybe faith is being able to say, "I believe God is good, but I am still broken and hurting."
Here's twelve ways the church can be a voice among the many voices of mental illness.
1. Accept that mental illness is as valid and legitimate as any other disease. There are reasons we call it mental health and use terms like "symptoms, diagnoses, treatment, medications," etc. It's because mental illnesses are medically, biologically, and scientifically based - but incredibly more complex than many physical illnesses because the spirit, the personhood, is what gets attacked. It is difficult to admit to mental illness because there is no x-ray to show, no wound to bandage, no surgery to have. Legitimize your neighbor's experience.
2. Understand that mental illness is not a spiritual deficit. Would you tell somebody that their asthma is a result of sin, something they need to "snap out of," or would be cured if they simply had quiet time each morning? No? Great. Yes, mental illness, like any other illness, can cause strain on your relationship with God. Research even supports that spiritual beliefs and practices can have a positive effect on recovery. However, that does not mean that somebody is automatically an unfit Christian. Your neighbor did not do something wrong to cause this. His feelings are not a sin. Talking about trauma or abuse is not holding records of wrongs or dishonoring a parent. It is truth-telling, redemption, and healing - and that's what Christ was all about, isn't it?
3. Educate yourself. Be willing to throw away old assumptions. Read reliable resources. Watch documentaries. Ask your neighbor what she recommends. Invite, but don't press, your neighbor to share about his experience. There's plenty of bold people on UpWorthy who bravely share their stories.
4. Understand that each experience is unique. Like our faith journey, one's experience with a mental illness is very unique, very personal, and very difficult to share when there is not a solid foundation of trust and acceptance. Understand that your neighbor may not fall into the extremes you saw on television (hello, Hollywood). This makes their experience no less difficult.
5. Resist the urge to say "But you're not..." See above. Does your neighbor suffer from depression, but he somehow miraculously got out of bed today and is smiling right now? Panic attacks, but you've never seen one? Anxiety, but she looks so composed? Bless the Lord, it truly is a miracle. Refrain from making assumptions of what your perception of somebody's illness is or should be like. Refer to #1 if you're still confused.
6. Understand that your neighbor is hurting deeply. Many mental illnesses carry a myriad of overwhelming, diverse emotions. Regardless of what the specific emotions are, your neighbor is likely hurting and confused. Additionally, he or she may be dealing with the aftershocks of trauma, even if the incident happened years ago. Even not being able to identify a specific trigger can be frustrating, guilt inducing, and leave our friends feeling like they do not "deserve" their illness or are being overdramatic. The mind is a tricky thing, and it will do anything to protect itself. Mental illness is often associated with poor coping skills - not due to a failure on your neighbor's part, but because we simply were not built to deal with all of the evil in this world.
7. Ask how you can support your neighbor - then follow through. Maybe she needs the kids picked up because she just cannot handle everything today. Maybe he needs somebody to simply sit with him. Maybe she cannot articulate what exactly she needs and crying ensues. If your neighbor is not sure of what he or she needs, make a few offers that you are actually willing and able to do. Fold some laundry, make some coffee, watch some reality television, or drag her out of a house for a walk. Do something - but also respect the space to simply not.
8. Provide a safe place for your neighbor to process his or her experience. Provide this space, even if that means anger and frustration at God, hopelessness, or doubt. Often, but not always, mental health includes some sort of trauma or abuse. Regardless of abuse history, it is an incredibly difficult and confusing time, and a safe place to talk or just be is a blessing. Faith takes a lot of work and energy that they may not be able to muster. Hold that space for her until she can fill it again herself.
9. Know your limits and where your neighbor can go when you've reached them. This works on two planes. First, know your own boundaries. Supporting somebody with a mental illness, like any disease, can be draining on you. This is okay. Take care of yourself, and be able to set loving, firm limits. Second, know what resources are available in your community. Do some research, make some phone calls, and offer to take your neighbor to appointments if appropriate.
10. Support professional treatment. You are not a therapist, so please do not try to play one. If you are a therapist, I probably do not need to say anything about "boundaries" or "ethics" or "conflict of interest" or "just plain awkward." Support your neighbor getting help, and support whatever treatment plan the professionals and your neighbor agree upon. Know that treatments do not need to compete with the church. They can complement and support each other. This is not about you and your beliefs, but about your neighbor and her well-being.
11. Advocate for the mental health community. Y'all, it is tricky terrain to navigate in the mental health land. It's hard to fight for treatment when you're exhausted from your illness. Maybe your neighbor has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, but only has ten therapy sessions allotted by insurance. Maybe there are not adequate resources in your area. It's hard to have self-worth and believe you can get better when the world is telling you that you are not sick "enough," whatever that means. Maybe the stigma is too much, and he lives in fear, guilt, and shame. Advocate for your neighbor in your communities by spreading the word about the truth of mental illness. Join the anti-stigma fight. Write to lawmakers to advocate for equality in insurance coverage and treatment provision. Let your neighbor know that he is not alone, he is part of a team, and you are on it.
12. Keep the door open. Many mental illnesses are chronic, like diabetes, or can cycle between remission and relapse, like cancer. Check in on your neighbor, even after it seems like everything is okay. Continue to provide a safe, welcoming space. Provide support and reassurance when symptoms return.
