Need to breathe

I like to stay busy. I think having a full calendar and crossing things off on my TDL gives me a sense of self-worth. I also don't like being home often, and I've noticed that if I go home straight after school I WILL take a nap and I WILL screw up my sleep schedule. Sometimes though my pesky little habit (and the invasive motivation bug) get the best of me, and I find myself swamped with things to do, places to go, people to see.

Tuesday was one of three days all year thus far that I've been able to go home straight after school - no meetings to attend, no errands to run, no kids to watch. I was pretty excited (yes, I took a nap - yes, I screwed up my sleep schedule for the rest of the week). Wednesday, around lunch time I realized that I would have an entire 3 hours all to myself before youth group to do homework and do chores. I was pumped. Yes, I was overjoyed with the thought of being able to go home and work. Lately my crazy schedule has had me in different places every day to do work while waiting for different activities to start - the church, the media center, people's houses, etc. It was nice to sit down at MY desk with nobody distracting me and have Oprah buzzing in the background as I did my math.

So here I am, on this Friday evening. My father called to ask if I was going to be in town this weekend, or if I was even coming home tonight (hey dad - I haven't had a sleepover all year, just an fyi. I've been here.) I got home about an hour or two ago from watching 18 or 20 kids all day. I just talked on the phone for 40 minutes discussing plans to go to Chicago. I just made plans to babysit early tomorrow morning. I'm staring at a pile of homework that is undone and a room that looks like it was hit by a tornado. My closet is half naked, the rest of it lies on the floor in distress. I'm debating on whether or not I want to go to the game, and acquiring the motivation to get up and get moving if I do. I made my once-monthly phone call to La Diabla, which ended in tears and her hanging up on me. I lacked the motivation to eat dinner, let alone make it. The dog smells like a dog, in a bad kind of way. My bible has found a newly permanent home in the seats of my car - I couldn't tell you the last time I cracked that baby open. My booty sits in a chair after not having worked out in two weeks.

And I'm gasping for air.