Joy

I have been given a new name, Dani Joy.

When I lay in the cool grass, warming myself in the sunshine,

When I sit in the dirt in Mexico, greasy, hungry, and exhausted,

When I am up until midnight making lesson plans for my children,

When I carve time out of my schedule to meet with those wiser than I,

When I sit on the city bus next to a lady who needs a smile and a prayer,

When I am surrounded by beautiful people of all walks of life during dinner,

When I cry out and receive a loving friend to pray for me without question,

When I go to chapel annoyed, tired, bored, with a million things to do, yet find Him,

When I am broke, unable to pay my upcoming bills, and trust in Him to provide again,

This is joy.

I had an interview today with the MO office. The sweet girl I met with asked me about my life, who I am. I told her of what I brat I was, of how I was a Saul, of how I was puffed with pride, of how lonely and hurt I was. Then I told her of Jesus,

The One who called me to California.

The One who told me to trust Him in all things.

The One who has promised to work for my good.

The One who continues to amaze me and change me.

The One who loves me and sacrificed everything for me.

I told her about the Jesus that I promised to give my life for.

She asked me why Mexico; what made me want to go?

I told her of my previous thoughts I had towards the culture, of how I had been raised with this idea that Mexicans were bad, dirty, job-stealers, drug lords, perverted.

But God told me to go. I went. He changed everything.

This is to be the story of my life. Call. Go. Change.

I cannot be called until I listen. I cannot go until I trust. I cannot change until I humble.

I cannot be filled until I am emptied, built up until I am broken down.

He fills me with such a great joy, I cannot explain it. Some may think I am "faking" because I need to prove to those at home that I am succeeding. Some may think I am putting too much hope in the move and in my school. Some may think I am just an overly excited freshman who finally got out of the house.

This isn't it. Not even close. I am overflowing with joy because of the God that I finally decided to follow, no matter the costs. He broke me down and left me with nothing, only to bring me to this place of blessing. He is good, oh so good. The friends, the lights and sounds of LA, the mountains and beautiful weather - sure, they make life a bit sweeter for now. The real transformation, though, is the willingness to say yes.

Yes, I will move to California.

Yes, I will take this job offer.

Yes, I will declare that major that leaves me poor.

Yes, I will go to Mexico.

And dare I (finally be able to) say? Yes, I will move to Mexico, or any other place, if that is Your will.

Halfway through the interview, the girl paused and asked me what my middle name was. I told her Marie, thinking it was an odd question. Her partner laughed and said "I was expecting Joy or something." The smiled and said, "I was thinking that, too". Then I also smiled, grateful that others had already given me this name and God has blessed me so much to make it true.