I mis-crunched numbers so many months ago.
I worked less hours than I had anticipated.
I took a five week sabbatical for the holidays.
I did not account for trips to Mexico, "I just had to have it" purchases, and unforeseen visits to the doctor.
Today I sit with a measly $64.62 in my bank account, fully cognizant of my next bill of $545 approaching in a handful of days. Today I crunch numbers that refuse to reach the destination that I so desperately desire.
Satan scoffs in the background, chanting in the back of my head, "I have tried time and time again to tell you this was a mistake. Now look - you are broke, too poor to even buy a plane ticket home after you drop out. You will never make it here. How will you multiply your bank account ten fold by next week?" Fear grips my stomach as he mocks me, giving me a million reasons why I have failed.
Then, God's still voice breaks through, confirming what I already know. He firmly whispers, "This is the plan I have for you. This is where you are meant to be. Have you little faith? I have provided for you time and time again - this day is no different. Follow me, and I will give you everything you need to succeed in My plans."
Thus far the LORD has carried me. Thus far He has met all of my needs. Thus far He has blessed me beyond belief, assuring me that this is where I am meant to be and this is what I am meant to do.
I stare at my near empty jar of Mexico Funds, posters line the campus about the upcoming trip south, dear friends and teammates chatter about their calling, my phone blows up with curious enquirers. All I see is the small, thin letters that say "$49" and shake my head. Do I spend my last few dollars on this trip?... Do I spend these last few dollars on God? On what He has called me to do?
My eyes became blurry as I sat on the trolley, comparing by bill to my bank statement. $100 short. For the first time in my life, I could not pay my debts. I had exceeded what was provided for me. I headed to the MO office prepared to write a check for the mission trip I took part in seven weeks ago - at least that was one less person to owe.
I saw the director, a man who has been a wonderful counselor throughout my foreign ministry experience. I have been nagging him for a job for some time, giddy and excited about Mexico and what God is doing. Frustrated and scared, I asked him again for a job - half kidding, yet half hopeful. His face got sad, and he reminded me that all positions were full but he would contact me if anything changed. I pleaded, "Well fire someone!" while a group of workers who have become dear friends laughed; the mood was lightened over a rather desperate matter.
With a look of concern, he brought me into his office and we together went over my finances and job situation; he sent me a series of emails with links, talked to a few others in the office, and encouraged me to keep trying. He walked me out of the building, continuing to edify me with every step; on the sidewalk with the crunchy leaves on the ground, the sun shining, and the cool wind gently blowing, we prayed for a miracle of provision.
As I walked away from the MO office, my dear counselor said "If you're supposed to go to Mexico, we will make it happen."
God promised to provide.
I headed back to my dorm, my humanness still afraid, but my spirit hopeful. I headed down the sidewalk, continuing to think and pray. I was halfway to my residence hall, cutting across the parking lot, when I suddenly paused (much to a driver's frustration). I remembered the money from graduation and Christmas that I had hidden; my "secrete cash stash" that had been set aside for emergencies... emergencies such as this. Filled with glee and relief, my heart pounded again - but this time with joy and gratefulness as I raced upstairs with a un-containable smile.
There was just enough to finish the bill.
God had provided. He had fulfilled His promise.
I know that this is a lesson in trust. I know that this is part of redemption and sanctification. It's humility, it's faith, it's reliance on His grace. I have no idea where the money for the next payment will come from, but I thank my God for giving me everything I have needed and will need; I am incredibly rich. I am blessed to the core with my provisions of food, a warm bed, clean clothes, an education, and beautiful friends.
Where there is His will, there is a way.
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