Monday, January 2, 2012

Top 11 Moments

My last two years have blended together in a rush of college searching and selecting, my baby sister being born and growing, finding a place to stay, and my continually recovering from my illness. I feel like I have grown an incredible amount, but the same struggles are still lingering. But God has "blessed my socks off" (I have recently learned that this is a very Southern phrase) and I am incredibly grateful for the things He has done over the last twelve months. He is too good to me. So here are my top eleven moments of 2011, the parts of my life that blessed me the most (in no particular order).

1. Seeing Baby Girl turn one.
Her birth was one of the most magical days of my life. I was blessed beyond words to be such an important part of her life; she encouraged me in so many ways simply by being. She has taught me so much about Jesus and the mind-exploding idea of Him being a helpless babe. She has taught me a love comparable to our Father, powerful and unconditional. Baby Girl brings me joy, shows me beauty, and teaches me a whole lot of patience. There is nothing more amazing than meeting a child on the day of her birth and being with her again a year later. We celebrate her life because she is precious, important, and loved.

2. Finding out Baby Two is on his / her way.
Need I say more? This, though, is bitter-sweet. My heart breaks knowing that I won't be in Baby Girl's life as much as I desire, but my heart also mourns over knowing that I will fly east to meet Baby Two only to return home to the West a couple of weeks later. This relationship will be much different, but I know God has something up His sleeve.

3. Being graced with such an awesome "Mexican Family".
The word "family" in my vocabulary has for so long been referred to as the "f-bomb". I try so hard to find this kind of love, yet once I have found it I am in a battle with myself to accept it and continue to struggle to reciprocate the same love back. It's shrouded by fear, lack of trust, and weary records of wrongs - all things that Jesus has told me time and time again to leave at His feet. He has blessed me so greatly with an "east coast family" that loves me even when I so surely doubt and question it. One of my biggest fears when moving out west was that I would have this giant gap in my life that a family should fulfill. For the first couple of months, I felt a bit like a single newly-created Sim; with no previous lineage, I simply appeared on the earth with no "blood ties". God heard my pleas, and sent me on a trip to Mexico where I developed beautiful relationships with some even more beautiful people. I now have six "brothers" and "sisters" (who I look nothing like), a crazy "uncle", and two loving "parents" who are happily engaged. Together, we share "Family Dinners" every Thursday night at 6pm. I look forward to breaking bread together every week, for a chance to slow down and allow so many different lives to come together to be authentic.

4. Committing to APU.
This was probably the hardest decision of my life - yet also the best. I am so incredibly happy at APU. I am poor, but I have all I need and a God who continues to provide. I have no long-standing relationships, yet a handful of dear friends whom I cherish as if we knew each other all along. I am tired, overwhelmed, and stressed, but I have been given a beautiful support system that is always available. I love my classes. I love my professors. I love my community. My humanness tells me that it was a mistake, that there are better schools, that I need to go home. Despite this, I am reaffirmed over and over that this is where I am meant to be. Where there is peace, there is the Spirit.

5. Trustee's Weekend.
It was here that I met some of the most amazing fellow students. It was here that I knew (though struggled to accept) that this was my place. God knew what He was doing. I can honestly say I would not be at APU if it had not been for Trustee's Weekend. I had thrown away all of my information about the school, certain that I would not be going there. When we plan, God laughs.

6. Getting my IB Diploma.
I sold my soul to IB and all I got was this lousy diploma? This required blood, sweat, and tears - literally. I promised myself I would hate this stinking program forever... and then I realized what a rock start I am.

7. Graduating high school.
The cry of my high school life was "GET ME OUT OF HERE", pounding on the windows that felt like bars on a jail cell. Enough said.

8. Always having a roof over my head.
Save the Miss America Pageant answer, this was exceedingly important (and miraculous) for me. There were many days when I feared I would be sleeping in my car. Bouncing around from house to house was hard enough, but securing a place to sleep for the night was sometimes even harder. God is good, though. He provided every single night and saved me from bitterness that I could have felt towards people who did not step up. He has reminded me that I am not the judge. Luke 12: 22-34 has been the anthem of my life for the last two years. The God who cares for the ravens will care for me, for I am more valuable to Him than simple birds. He has promised me that when I seek His Kingdom first, He will care for the rest.

9. Going to Mexico.
I could talk all day about this. I ordered my passport before moving out west, certain I wanted to travel to Mexico. I signed up for the first trip I was able to go on and my life has been changed forever. I was blessed with a team of nine other students who have become some of my dearest friends. My heart was broken in a beautiful way, showing me that so much of what we have is about geography - where we were born, who are parents are, what opportunities are around us. Growing up in Florida, I had always been told (whether passively or blatantly) that Mexicans were "dirty"; some adults in my life even went so far as to tell me that they are "pigs" and that I should never date one, for surely they will take advantage of me. The patriot in me was fostered around a perception that this is our land, these are our jobs, and anybody who tries to share in our goodness is the enemy. Mexico changed all of this. It is poverty like you would not believe. It is corruption, violence, and illegal activity that we would shudder at in the States. It is a forced way of life in a land where there are few other opportunities to provide for your hungry family. Mexico has shown me the other side of the story, giving the people we hear about in degrading statistics a face and a heart.

10. Having amazing jobs that I love.
I fantasized all through high school of having a ministry job. Within the first month of living out west, I had one. Life is too good. I am still in awe of the goodness I have received.

11. Moving to California.
One of the best decisions I have ever made. Period.

Okay, there's eleven, but I still have some more things I'm grateful for:

12. Celebrating a year of recovery.
This was a quiet celebration with myself, Jesus, and a few close loved ones, as much as I felt it should have been one I was sharing with my community. But alas, teenage girls are high maintenance enough, and ones that are horribly ill are just too much for most people to handle. My sickness is gone and I am in a period of what I hope to be a life-long remission. Praise God.

13. Being blessed with an incredible amount of scholarships.
I should not be in college - all of the statistics tell me so. Good thing I don't listen to statistics.

14. Finding a place where I feel like I belong.
See blessing 3, 4, 9, 10, 11. I have found peace, joy, and a sense that the place I am in now is exactly where I should be for this season of life.

15. Using Spanish often.
Being bilingual in such a multicultural area has been one of my greatest assets. I speak in Spanish every day without fail and find myself "defaulting" to Spanish with increasing frequency, even when I am not in Mexico. It has become such an amazing ministry tool, allowing me to create and maintain friendships with a people I have grown to love.

16. Re-evaluating my relationship with myself, God, and others.
My move has allowed me to re-evaluate my life. I am free to process, meditate, and pray without the influence of people who feel like they know me. This has been an incredibly healthy experience, spending time alone with Jesus to discover who He created me to be.

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